they take a polaroid and let you go

I have never felt so heartbroken before, and I'm the one that broke my own heart
Those were the worst two weeks of my life, which led to me making a terrible decision. I don't know what started it, but once I picked up the bottle, I couldn't put it down. Every night was full of me having long talks that I don't even remember. I betrayed the one person I really loved.
I don't think I will forgive myself for a very long time
I can't.
You told me today you missed us in Richmond, but when I asked if you missed us together, all you could say was "we are both moving on".
I'm not moving on
I have tried, and every time I feel like I have met somebody I can be somewhat happy with
you cross my mind and I push the other person away

I hate how lonely I am in Richmond
I hate how I pushed every singly one of my friends away so I could be with you
I hate how I can't bring myself to drink slurpees because that's something you and I always did together ( me with a white straw and you with a green straw)
I hate how I can't listen to Muse anymore, because they sang our song
I hate how you don't return my text messages, especially when I ask you if you miss me at all

I wish this damn medicine would start working so I can attempt to go out and enjoy my life

cigarettes and speed to live and sleeping pills to feel forgiven

I like to think that my mother sent this in to postsecret, but I know she didn't
not because she doesn't even know what postsecret is to begin with
or the fact that I'm not 1,500 miles away
but because I know she didn't miss me that much

Sometimes I wish I was young again
especially when my mom and I would have the house to just the two of us because my dad was out of town on a business trip
She would let me stay up late and play dolls with me
I always thought she was much happier when it was just the two of us
I'm not saying my dad is a bad person, but over the past 10 years or so, I've seen my mother age greatly due to all the stress he has put on her
and she doesn't laugh like she used to when it was just the two of us

When I went away to school, I knew I would miss my friends
but I felt so guilty for leaving my mom behind, but now I'm home
I'm glad to see she had done just fine without me