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Things I'm happy about.....
-my hair is getting longer!
-I have a job, that I like thus far
-I just got a free roundtrip (or discount) on JetBlue because the tv's were broken on my flight home
-I have straight A's
-Alex being my partner in crime
-I added some colour to the blog
-cheap cigarettes
-sweet potato chips
-I just went to New York to see the love of my life
- Friday the 13th tattoo with new friends

Things that suck right now....
-I'm stuck in Richmond
-Alex is in NYC
-I live at home
-my dog is still eating her poop :(
-I am somehow broke in the bank yet again
-I have a ridiculous credit card statement to pay
-Erin Bresse is too far away to hang out
-I only have 3 good friends here, and they happen to be all busy at the moment
-My uncle died this morning
-My dad thinks just because he gives me money and buys me things, it makes him a loving father
-I'm nowhere near Alex right now
-I'm almost positive nobody misses me in Florida, especially Diana
-my laptop isn't fixed yet!!!!!!
-my eyebrows are in need of some major waxing, but lack of funds is keeping that from happening

womp womp womp
I'm ready to let the good times roll....even if it means leaving everything behind in RVA to get to NYC

yo, fuck Richmond

In the early afternoon yesterday, I was so convinced for the first time I had made the right decision in moving back to Richmond.
But goddamn, last night has changed that for good.
Caroline and I decided to go to a dance/house party on Main Street that apparently a few people we knew were at. It took me going through a designated checkpoint and 20 minutes trying to find a parking spot. We get to the house and walk around back to go inside. It seemed really nice but I didn't see any faces that I knew. Next thing I know, some dumb bitch was pushing me telling me I had to get out and leave.
First off, don't push me
Second, you could have asked me to nicely
Ends up it was some sororities closed party for a sisters 21st birthday. My bad, thought it was any other normal dance party.
After leaving that house and walking 5 blocks in the freezing cold to get to my car, Caroline and I figured we would go to a party on Monument.
That fell through as well.
Parking is so ridiculous downtown :[

Driving back to the West End, I realized that Richmond is just way too small for me and no room for me to fit in anywhere. I can' t stand the bike kids who only care about what others perceive them as.

I want to drop out of school and move to New York

and it's so real I can feel it

Now that I've been home now for over a month, I've begun to ask myself if it was worth leaving Florida.
There are some things that make the move worth it, one being just that little bit closer to Alex ( who's in New York) and friends that still reside in Virginia.
I really do miss being able to wake up next to Alex every morning, see him whenever I want through the day, and just be with him whenever I want though.
but distance does make the heart grow fonder

a broken heart is a working heart

Honestly, right now I SHOULD be packing to head back to Jacksonville tomorrow morning
but I'm not, of course
I'm doing what I have become a master at, procrastinating.

So instead of packing, or actually studying for my nursing exam that I think is Monday (but hoping is Tuesday), I'm sorting through what seems my entire life stuffed under my bed. I love going through old things like photo albums, fashion magazines, makeup, and most important..... journals.
I started reading both of my journals I kept, one starting when I was 10 and another started when I was in 9th grade. I laughed at most of the entries, but some just really blew my mind.
Apparently I had 4 terrible years in high school, but now that I look back on it, it doesn't even matter now. I read a few entries where I complained of being so hurt and feeling like things would never get any better, but I cant even remember what made me so upset.
I gives me such reassurance that it really does eventually stop hurting.
I needed that so much, especially since I shared a cup of coffee and a short conversation with Dylan today.
We had 2 good years together with ups and downs. I'm ready to let it go, but never forget.
I'm ready to take a chance with somebody new, but not rush into anything.
I still hurt, but I now know that it will stop one day, and I'll look back on it and just laugh at how miserable I was.

Richmond deserves a 2nd try
I deserve to be happy go lucky Julie again


I'm ready.

broken hearted

I have so many thoughts running through my head lately, sleep isn't really an option.

Life lately is just a blur, and it seems the days are getting longer as well.
I want to go more into details, I just emotionally don't have the willpower to do so.

I'll get over it eventually.

history has a way of repeating itself

So school has resumed at Jacksonville University. I've been working extra hard so far to try to stay above C's, which is something I really need this year.
Its amazing how much the summer really changed some people around here. Not saying that it is bad, its just interesting. Lately I've found myself very annoyed and angry towards this place because I feel a majority of the people are fake. Its as if they forgot what lies they told last year, and I caught them this year. Nothing to worry about though, I don't need to ponder on the situation.

I did it yet again, and I am going to blame it on this town.
I ended things with Dylan. I'm still not sure if it's because I just really need somebody here that I can see everyday, or if I'm being ridiculous and making rational decisions. Jacksonville is a very peculiar place that can make any person feel alone, or like they aren't apart of anything spectacular. When this happens to me I feel the need to attach to somebody that is here, and let go of the person that is the farthest away...... and I did latch onto somebody here.

Finally stopped seeing my psychologist here. She was cold and took way too many notes and I didnt feel like she was listening to me. So the search continues yet again, haha. I'm doing surprisingly well though. I havent taken my medicine in over 3 weeks and things are going somewhat smoothly so far. Still waiting for that one day though when I don't have to worry about taking medicine to make it through the day.

Overall.....

my minds been wandering
I've been having thoughts come and go relatively fast
weeks are going by even faster

I suppose this is how it happens the last year of being a teenager

25 mg

things are moving really fast here

its good



hope it stays this way